Facing Sexual ‘Firsts’

The first time a husband has erectile problems, the first time a child accidentally sees his/her parents having sex… in married life, there are countless factors that may affect the mood and performance of sex. What is the best way to face these “first times”? Recently, experts from a famous American sexual health website gave some answers.

The first time having sex to get pregnant:
Many women have sex in an attempt to conceive, and turn sex into a step-by-step science project. In fact, sex for the purpose of conception is the most exciting because it has the potential to change your life. Partners can even try using sex toys or having sex outdoors, to increase the passion and excitement.

The first time a husband is not aroused:
Married women are particularly sensitive. They imagine the worst when their husband tells them “I’m not in the mood”. Actually, from either a physical or psychological aspect, this is completely normal. If this situation persists for more than a month, you can seriously talk about it, try to identify the problem and if necessary, see a doctor. Women should not fuss because this would only bruise the man’s self-esteem, and affect the relationship between husband and wife.

The first time a child sees sex by accident:
Many couples have had their children accidentally see them making love, and become uneasy because of it. Couples must not let this fear affect the quality of their sex life. When this happens, it is important to clearly explain to the child that a loving sexual relationship is part of life. Parents should be the role models for establishing a healthy intimate relationship. However, to avoid future embarrassment, install locks on bedroom doors, and tell children that parents need to have some personal time.

The first time hearing that a friend is having an affair:
When affairs occur among others, women tend to be the most affected. They hope to receive proof that “my husband loves me” from their sex life, while men on the other hand feel the pressure of “how to treat her better”. It is important not to be disappointed with one’s own marriage because of the errors of others. This should be an opportunity to reexamine the relationship between husband and wife, and look for ways of improvement if necessary. There is nothing to gain from being an unreasonable partner.

The first time having sex after giving birth:
Childbearing can cause dramatic physiological changes in women. When having sex for the first time after giving birth, the husband should be extra patient, using tender kisses or caresses. Abstain from sex until all the swelling has gone down and there is no more blood. Sometimes lubricants can help.